GOD PREPARED ME FOR THE REJECTION MAIL

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I went from exuberant to melancholy after receiving a mail that destabilized me on Monday,  20th July. It was a long awaited one and I was quite positive and hopeful to get a good response. But alas, I was wrong. You know that feeling you get when you expect something great to come to you but instead, that great thing decides to run far away from you? Yes, that's exactly it.

I felt shattered after I got this mail and I truly can't remember the last time I saw myself cry that much. Well, except I'm worshiping God but after this episode of tears, I wondered why I gave the energy and tears I could have used in worshiping God to cry over a vain thing. I wondered if the reason I felt this way about this opportunity I lost was because I was so positive about it. Oh! I didn't tell you? I can be such a shameless pessimistic person. Why? You may ask me. That's simply because it helps me get through situations when they don't turn out well. So, being pessimistic gives me that "well, I never expected much anyways". This makes me avoid being hurt a lot and pessimism was my companion for many years. To me, being optimistic gives room to let my guards down and allow arrows of pain be fired at me. So, I was ecstatic and optimistic that I was going to get a good response when I applied for the program/internship. It was going to be a huge one for me and I was really looking forward to it. Although, I talked to God about it and made him know that I didn't want anything that was going to take me from him but at the same time, I'd really love to have this opportunity. Despite my prayer, I was still so optimistic and had daydreamed about getting it.

I had my plans, so did God. Last week Friday, at midnight, i told the Holy Spirit that i didn't know what to post on my blog that day. After I told him that, I went ahead to do a couple of things on my phone and later on was ready to sleep (not like I was so sleepy tho). I had told the Holy Spirit "good night" and as I lay down there, ideas started popping in my head. I decided I was going to put them down in the morning but somehow, I just grabbed my phone and typed out all I had in my head. Fast forward to the day I got the mail,  11 minutes before I saw the mail, I tweeted the last sentence in my previous blog post. Then I saw the mail and was broken into pieces. 

After I tweeted about this rejection mail, I started over thinking the situation and before I knew it, I began to feel feverish. So, I decided to sleep to see if I'd feel better but I was wrong. Immediately I woke up, I realized i was giving the devil a chance to take advantage of the situation. I pushed myself up and started worshiping; I'll rather worship my Father than give the devil the chance to toil with me. It was while I was worshiping that I realized that my previous blog post wasn't actually for you only but it was also for me. I cried so much I even explained to God that the tears didn't mean that I lost my trust in him but it was as a result of how I emotionally felt (I was doing too much shalaye (explanation)). After worship I felt a lot better but my mood was off for almost 3 days.

Honestly, the rejection mail made me feel incompetent and for some unknown reason, I felt I wouldn't ever be enough and at the same time a failure. I allowed the devil in my head and he was pleased to get such opportunity. I was glad that I rebuked him early enough and found solace in my Father. I wonder what could have happened if I had decided to stand the hurt I got from the mail alone. 

Well, rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success, I'll take it as someone blowing a bugle in my ear to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat. Rejection can disappoint you, depress you and may even stop you in your tracks, learn not to take it so personally. If you're honest with yourself and believe in your work, others will too. Amidst all these, I know and I believe God has a better plan for me. Indeed they'd be a lot of things to be worried about but I'll certainly always choose to trust God every step of the way, so should you. 

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